Mind Your Gap

The gap between your current state and your desired state provides a reason to act.”

- James Clear, Atomic Habits

I love this quote. One of the things that I work on with clients is figuring out what the gap is that they want to bridge, and then I help them find ways to take action, jumping, vaulting, or even zip lining over that gap. But between identifying their gap and getting over it is a whole process of figuring out why the gap is even important to them; what strengths or tools they already have to get over that gap; what tools or skills they may need to acquire to be successful; how not to fall into the gap when they’re in the middle of crossing it; and how to not lose their way again once they’re on the other side.

Atomic Habits speaks to habit formation and how a strong system of habits can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Reading a book is one way to do it to be sure; but often (OK, usually), we need to do some pre-work. Before you even design or implement a plan to stick to your habits, you should figure out why that habit is even important to you. This is where coaching can be helpful, especially when it comes to health and wellness. In the process of coaching clients and talking about what’s waiting for them on the other side of the gap, they often realize that the initial gap they identified is actually not that important to them, or that it’s actually located in a different area of their lives, and the gap over there is what they really need and want to work on. Sometimes it’s not that a client really wants to work out to reduce stress, it’s that they really need and want to reduce stress in other areas of their lives. Adding the self-imposed expectation of going to the gym actually causes more stress in their lives until they deal with the root causes of stress in their lives. Once they do that, they can move on to other priorities, confident that their progress won’t get derailed by other factors in their life; or if it does, that they have the ability to quickly get back on track. That’s one big benefit of coaching: it can save clients time getting from one side of their gap to the other, and can help them figure out how to not get caught in a pattern of crossing and re-crossing the same wrong bridge, hoping what they really want is on the other side this time.

The biggest part of the foundational work in coaching clients is helping them figure out why there’s a gap and whether the gap is as important as they think it is—or whether it’s important at all. In other words, is the gap a chasm, or just a shallow crack? Once the client has determined whether the gap is real and how important it is, we can start working on how to bridge it. Coaching adds value here too. It’s all well and good to emulate what’s worked for others—it’s a basic way to learn— but often what has worked for others won’t work for us. We are each unique, and applying a one-size-fits-all solution typically doesn’t work—or work for very long. For example, a strict Keto diet isn’t a great option if you actually like toast in the morning and sandwiches made with bread instead of lettuce “buns,” or if you just can’t seem to quit potatoes. Yes, you could do it for a while and lose some weight, but like the vast majority of people who try strict weight-loss programs, you may not stick to it long term. A better way to go would be to figure out ways to lose weight that don’t involve feelings of interminable deprivation. It will require experimentation and iteration, and sticking to your new habits long-term.

A health and wellness or nutrition coach can help you figure out how to run these experiments in a way that takes into account the unique variables in your life; how to keep the experiments running; how to fairly evaluate the outcomes; and how to best iterate to keep you moving forward. Experimentation applies to more than just diet and weight loss; it applies to coaching as well, because there are so many inputs that affect our overall health and well-being. Working with a board-certified health and wellness coach who is trained in motivational interviewing is a great way to help you mind your gap, intelligently experiment, and confidently bridge it, so you can reach whatever is waiting for you on the other side.